Hostages Trapped Inside Walmart Insisting They Never Shop At Walmart

TheOnion asked:

A gunman at a Dearborn, MI Walmart is holding dozens of shoppers who say they only happened to be at the tacky megachain by coincidence.

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25 thoughts on “Hostages Trapped Inside Walmart Insisting They Never Shop At Walmart

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    The funny thing is, “Tea Party presents 3 page national budget” probably doesn’t even sound like the horribly dismissive joke that it is to them.

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    lol, man this was classic. I was thinking, “how is the onion going to spin this humorously?” and right away they pick up on the one thing that all my friends do but that I’ve never given a lot of thought to before… refer to Wal-Mart as a place they “never go to”, yet they do seem to occasionally have things lying around that they bought there. 🙂

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    Walmart sells cheap chinese products. Many people hate it for work ethics, treatment of foreign labor, and the general cheap crap they sell. But some people still feel drawn to it, and be hypocritical just enough to buy Walmart. But, this is an over exaggeration of the kind of shame it produces.

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    Thank goodness I still have my “going in to buy porn outfit” from the old days before internet. Now I use it when I shop at Walmart! 😀

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    Near the end of the video,at the bottom of the screen,it says:
    Nicki Minaj considering showing the inside of her vagina if it would make her more famous.

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    @SuperWarking How am I validating the report? I already know it’s fake.
    Now what kinda sense is being made of what your saying right now? Are you really tryna argue with me for believing it was real for a minute?
    Get a fucking life!

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    You are insulting me because I am a fucking retard. That makes sense. So throughout the entire video, you somehow did not see the words “The Onion” at no point in time? Aside from the title, you really expect to make a valid argument about you thinking it was real given what was actually being discussed throughout the video? Either you are one of the folks I think who are getting paid by The Onion to just make an attempt to argue the validity of the reports, or you just need/want attention.

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    I’m insulting you because your a fucking retard. Now listen you cockmouth, I found this video thru the “suggested videos” I didn’t flat out search for “The Onion” to find the, so all I saw is the title. Use your fucking head, oh my bad, it’s obvious you don’t have one.

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